Breast Cancer Awareness

I recently got this video in an email. It is about a type of cancer that is not well known. This cancer is called Inflammatory Breast Cancer. It is a killer cancer. Even the cancer help centers are unaware of this. PLEASE, PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO. I IMPLORE ALL OF YOU TO TAKE NOTICE OF THIS.

Winter Poem

WINTER Poem

It's Winter in MICHIGAN
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At thirty-five below.

Oh, how I love Michigan
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Michigan
I'm frozen to the friggin' ground!

How do you?

How do you do it? I mean really, how do you survive in this economy? I know money is tight for everyone, and we are doing everything in our power to make it but, What kinds of tips and tricks do you have to make it?

I have gotten rid of nonessential items. (Internet is essential right? lol)
We shop the sales more than we used to and even utilize the food banks when needed.
Hubby and I do not buy anything for ourselves unless is it mandatory.
We are even getting out of our high priced rental and trying to get into a much more economical modular home in a park.

So what can you say that you are doing to make things easier on your family?

The Knob

If this doesn't make you laugh, you're dead!!!!

A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'

The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'

She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'

Washing Clothes Recipe

-- Imagine having a recipe for this!

Years ago an Alabama grandmother gave
the new bride the following recipe:

This is an exact copy as written and found
in an old scrapbook - with spelling errors
and all.


WASHING CLOTHES
Build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water.
Set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is
pert.
Shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin water
Sort things, make 3 piles
1 pile white,
1 pile colored,
1 pile work britches and rags.
To make starch, stir flour in cool water to
smooth, then thin down with boiling water.

Take white things, rub dirty spots on board,
scrub hard, and boil, then rub colored don't
boil just wrench and starch.

Take things out of kettle with broom stick
handle, then wrench, and starch.

Hang old rags on fence.

Spread tea towels on grass.

Pore wrench water in flower bed. Scrub
porch with hot soapy water.

Turn tubs upside down.

Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair
combs. Brew cup of tea, sit and rock a spell
and count your blessings.
===================================

Paste this over your washer and dryer.

Next time when you think things are bleak,
read it again, kiss that washing machine and dryer, and give thanks.
First thing each morning you should run and
hug your washer and dryer.

For you non-southerners - wrench means rinse

AND WE THINK WE HAVE IT ROUGH

Todays One Liner

Today's One Liner

"If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?"

Homemade Kahlua Recipes

Yes that is right Homemade KAHLUA!!!!

Here you go and enjoy responsibly =)

HOMEMADE KAHLUA
4 c. sugar
4 c. water
2/3 c. instant coffee
2 c. vodka
3 tbsp. vanilla
Mix; simmer 30 minutes. Cool. Bottle in containers.


HOMEMADE KAHLUA
4 c. water
2 1/2 c. sugar
3/4 c. instant coffee
2 tbsp. chocolate syrup
Boil water. Add sugar, coffee and syrup - let cool - add:
1 qt. vodka
2 tbsp. vanilla


KAHLUA
5 tbsp. instant coffee
1/3 c. boiling water
1 jar caramel topping
3 c. sugar
2 c. boiling water
1 1/2 c. rum or vodka
3 tbsp. real vanilla
Mix instant coffee in boiling water. Add sugar to boiling water. Then add vanilla and caramel. Let stand about 10 minutes. Put in liquor. Then put in bottles.

OMG Email of the Day!!!! Proof That The World Is Nuts

Thanks go out to my Aunt who sent this to my sister who sent it to me. =)

Proof That The World Is Nuts

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than 'going blind!')
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there Any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.

The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~
In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only 'in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'
(Is this a great country or what?

Well, not as great as Guam !)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses
150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of ???)
(Did the government pay for this research?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
And, the best for last?

Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Email of the Day "None of that 'Sis'-sy Stuff "

Thanks to my sister for sending this email along. Thanks Ang.

None of that 'Sis'-sy Stuff

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems
that always sound good,
but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of True Friendship.

You WON'T see cutesy little smiley faces on this card-
Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad, I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!

2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you're scared, we will high tail it out of here.

5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!

6. When you are confused, I will use little words.

7. When you are sick, Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, I'll pick you up and dust you off--After I laugh my rear off!!
(hhhmmm...reminds me of someone???)

9. This is my oath...
I pledge it to the end.
'Why?' you may ask;

-- because you are my FRIEND!

***********************
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it,

but only YOU can feel the true warmth.

**********************

New Years Resolutions

Well, I see all of my friends putting their resolutions out there for all to see and I got to thinking, what am I REALLY going to do to better myself this year? Honestly, I don't know. I do have plans, who doesn't have plans. So here is what I consider my New Years Resolutions...

1. Stay out of jail. Ok those that really know me know what this is about.
2. Get a job that pays my child support and helps to pay the other household bills.
3. Focus on my online business. This includes creating new and interesting items within my heat pad line.
4. Get healthy. This includes losing weight as it always does. lol
5. Keep my family healthy. I believe that my daughter needs to be tested for food allergies to get her skin issues under control. Also hubby needs some doctoring, but that is neither here nor there.
6. Be a better, wife, sister, mother, and friend.


HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!

Awesome Friends

OK So, I was feeling really down with the holidays coming and all. No money to do anything and what not. Well I am a part of this team on Etsy called EtsyFriends. They are some real friends let me tell you. Not only are they there to chat with but, My good friend Reesa, who has 2 shops that are temporarily closed sent me a gift. We had discussed this gift at great length and well it arrived today and all I can say is OMG. I love Reesa so much. This team has given me lots of sisters that I didn't even know I wanted. LOL
So here is a pic that hubby took of me in my new Chenille Burgundy Handmade Sweater Coat with matching Hat...

Redneck Birthday Gift.

MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD...


'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'

'Yes. What can I do for you?'

'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hiding'
marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hiding' it there.'

'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?'

'Yeah!'

'Did they chop your firewood?'

'Yep!'

'Happy Birthday, buddy!'

(Rednecks know how to Get-R-Dun)

Todays One Liner

"DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID;
think about it."

The Night Before Christmas - Texas Style

"The Night Before Christmas - Texas Style"

T'was the night before Christmas, in Texas, you know.
Way out on the prairie, without any snow.
Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue,
A dreamin' of Christmas, like me and you.
Not stockings, but boots, at the foot of their bed,
For this was Texas, what more need be said,

When all of a sudden, from out of the still night,
There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright.
And I saw 'cross the prairie, like a shot from a gun,
A loaded up buckboard, come on at a run,

The driver was "Geein" and "Hawin", with a will,
The horses (not reindeer) he drove with such skill.
"Come on there Buck, Poncho, & Prince, to the right,
There'll be plenty of travelin' for you all tonight."

The driver in Levi's and a shirt that was red,
Had a ten-gallon Stetson on top of his head.
As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight,
With his beard and mustache, so curly and white.

As he burst in the cabin, the children awoke,
And were so astonished, that neither one spoke.
And he filled up their boots with such presents galore,
That neither could think of a single thing more.

When Buddy recovered the use of his jaws,
He asked in a whisper, "Are you really Santa Claus?"
"Am I the real Santa? Well, what do you think?"
And he smiled as he gave a mysterious wink.

Then he leaped in his buckboard and called back in his drawl,
"To all the children in Texas, Merry Christmas, y'all"

Funny email of the day

This one is thanks to the dad that I adopted Bill fox.

'And that's when the fight started'....



1) My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes', I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she
took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'
'My Gosh!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person was able to go
on celebrating that long?'
And that's when the fight started....

2) I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get
soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and
shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said,
'Well, then which one are you?'
And that's when the fight started..

3) A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And that's when the fight started.....

4) A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3
o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, sort of
bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, 'Holy Crap! That
must be my husband!' So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed, scared and
naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the
ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to
his car. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed
at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah,
well then, why were you running?'
And that's when the fight started.....

5) When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive....so, I took her to a gas station.....
And that's when the fight started.....

6) I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of
cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night
than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started.........


7) I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said
'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started.....

April is singing!!!

Ok well we got this awesome opportunity for April recently. She is taking 2 after school classes. Not as punishment but as extra curricular activity. lol BIG WORDS. Any way on Mondays she is going to Singing and Rhythm and on Wednesdays she is going to Art and Literacy. She had her first music class yesterday and she really liked it. It is very one on one there were only 4 kids there. lol She said first they did rhythym by banging sticks to the beat and then they sang some easy songs. But she had fun. I am so proud of her for doing this. Now just if I could get her on the soccor team next year. She really badly wants to play soccor.